I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
