i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
