areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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