i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
