those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
