I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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