how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
