Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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