Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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