Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
