You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
