I met the friendliest cop last night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
