90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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