I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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