Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
