Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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