Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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