Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
