The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
