How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
