He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
