Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
