When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
