While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
