He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
