You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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