i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
