Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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