I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
