It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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