Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
