Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
