I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
