I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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