I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
