Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
