the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
