so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
