you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
