I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
