Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
