My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
