capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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