I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
