first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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