I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
