I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
