I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
