He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
