i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
