we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
